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Friday, June 8, 2012

5 Things Parents Should Not Say To Their Kids!

Words hurt and they cannot be taken back, so be careful while communicating with anyone especially to your kids. How parents communicate with their kids directly impact the parents-child relationship in long term. We all are humans and sometime times we don’t give ourselves a pause and think that what we are communicating? Simple statements that parents make, usually in a moment of frustration with their kids can cause damage later on.
It’s no secret that parents should pay attention to how they communicate with their children, however check out these five things parents should not say to kids. These points may also help parents to turn a moment of frustration into positive life lesson.


“I don’t care”

Kids are innocent; they love to share details and want to ask too many questions. Their topics can be funny and genuine at times. Just be aware of saying “I don’t care” because you might be cutting off the communication with your kid and indirectly telling them that something that is important for them is not so important to you. Most parents face difficult time when their children reach the adolescent age. Parents complain that their teens don’t communicate with them. Now this is the time when a question should be asked to the parents that how has the parent-child communication been nurtured throughout the child’s life? There’s an unspoken trust that occurs when communication is nurtured. Parents should be able to communicate to their kids that they are free to discuss if they have any issue. Don’t let the day end without addressing your kid’s need to share with you.

“Act your age”

Sometimes you may have noticed that your seven years old daughter or son acts like three years old kid and you tell her/him to “act your age” or “behave according to your age”. Growing children are full of activities; sometimes they act childish and sometimes matured as if they have really grown up.  According to experts - this common reaction is less about child’s behaviour and more about parents trying to manage their own frustration. Because most of the time when you are in happy mood, it is less likely that you will scold your child or get irritated with his childish behaviour. But if, you are in a bad mood then you may land up some part of anger on your kids saying something to them without realising what it would impact on them. Kids may think that parents are criticizing them at a time when they are in a playful mood. For Parents – When you are in a bad mood, just take a pause and come up with an effective response instead of a reaction. 

“Say you’re Sorry”

Forcing a child to apologize dose not teach a child social skills. Young children do not automatically understand as to why they have to apologize. If you force your kids to say that they are sorry it might delay the child’s natural acceptance of apologizing. For example: A pre-schooler takes a toy from another child and makes him/her cry. Your instant reaction will be to tell your kid to say sorry for his /her act. Here, you are trying to teach your kid to be compassionate, which is a laudable goal. But you should not force your child to say sorry. One can try this: Apologize to the child for your kid as a way to model the behaviour or the method you are trying to encourage. And also, make sure that you are in a situation where an apology is warranted, you deliver it just as easily.

“Don’t you get it”

You have taught your kid to do a job five times or how to add or subtract. But when your kid shows you that it’s still not clicking for him/her, you hastily ask, “Don’t you get it?” This sentence of you can be degrading. A child always desperately wants to do it in order to please his parents. Implicit is a “don’t you get it’ comment are the judgements of “why don’t you get it?” or “what’s wrong with you for not getting it?” While parents may not mean to send those messages, that is the message the child receives.” One can try this: If you are stuck on how to teach your kid something, step away. Take a break. And then return to the “lesson” when you are ready try again, perhaps after researching some alternative ways or approach to teach whatever you child is trying to learn.

“I am going to leave without you”

When your kid refuses to leave the park or a toy store, so you issue an ultimatum which surely freaks your child out: “I am going to leave without you!” For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real. But what happens when this threat also doesn’t work? The biggest problem is that we want our kids to believe what we say. If you want your kids to believe you, you should not say something which is patently false. If you threat your kids just to scare them off the child quickly learns that mom or dad makes empty threats. One can try this: Don’t tell your kid that you are going to leave without them. Instead plan ahead because you have seen your child behave in the same manner earlier also. You know what will trigger a tantrum. It’s okay to identify unacceptable behaviour. You can tell them it’s not acceptable but you have to motivate them with a consequence that you can carry out.

The bottom line is be passionate with your kids. Be real and say what’s on your mind passionately.

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