Jokes

Jokes In English

Police asked a thief : Why you went to steal 3 times in the same store???

The thief replied : Sir,I stole one dress for my wife and went to change it twice ! X_X

Rajnikant once hit a boy and the bor started crying "oooooooo"
Now the boy is known as ...Himesh Reshamia ;);p

Telephone rings at night....

Husband: "If it's for me then say I am not at home"

Wife answers: He is at home!

Husand:what the hell???

Wife : It was for me ;);)

Rajnikant comments on F1 race in New Delhi...

"I hate Slow Motion'............... ;)

An angry Husband sent text to his mom in law: You product is not matching my requirement!!

Smart mom in law replied: Warranty expired!Manufacturer is not responsible now ;);)

Wife: You say I look old but one of your friend still praises me..

Husband: Must be mr.Jignesh Shah!

Wife: Yes! but how do you know??

Husband: He is a Scrap Dealer......lol!!!!!

Girlfriend setting password for her laptop with her boyfriend sitting besides her..She types

"BRAIN" as password,Boyfriend fell off laughing from his chair...because laptop replied "TOO SMALL"......;);)

Man meets his friend and notices he`s wearing an earring...so he asks him :- When did you start wearing earring ???
Friend: Ever since my wife found it in my car ;)

 Crazy CID facts..!

- CID bureau has 1 Toyota Qualis since 10 years.
- In theentire 20 storeyed building of CID, only 6 people work.
- There is no Police...CID handles every case.
- Accused person accepts his crime only aftr gettin a slap from Daya on the face.
- None of them has ever got married other than Fredriek.

Girl to a shopkeeper - What is the cost of this dress ?
Shopkeeper - Rs.15,000 /-
Girl - awww..! ................or And what is the cost of Pink dress....?
Shopkeeper - awww + awww.....!! =D

 "I See myself when i see Sachin batting- Sir Don Bradman
"Do your crime when Sachin is batting,cos even God is busy watching his batting - Australian Fan
Barack Obama - "I don't know about cricket but still I watch cricket to see Sachin play..Not b'coz I love his play its b'coz I want to know the reason why my country's production goes down by 5% when he's in batting"

Teacher – What is the capital of india?

Student -Student - "in Switzerland.." (In the Swiss Banks)..

 HEIGHT OF SOCIAL NETWORKING : -
Teacher : where is your homework??
Boy : I uploaded it on facebook and I tagged you....

 Boys:
Before Marriage: Roses are Red,Sky is Blue,You are beautiful,I Love You!
After Marriage: Roses are Dead,I have Flu,Don't eat my Head, Daffa ho Tu.....

A pig goes 2 GUINESS BOOK OFFICE to check,if He's Still The Most ugly Animal on Earth Or Not?
He Came Out Angrly Shouting - Who is Mayawati now??

Q: What is the definition of a woman??
A: Some who talks for hours while standing at the door,but won't come inside and sit because she is getting late... -:)

What a married man says after years of marriage: -
My marriage is made of Trust & Understanding................. she doesn’t Trust me & I don’t understand her..... ;);)

New & Effective slogan to protect Girl child:-
"Save Girl Child, Else Ur Son Will Be Forced to be G A Y "

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you !!!!

2 MEN TALKING:
1st Man: I am getting married because...
I am tired of eating out, cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd Man: Strange, I am taking divorce for same reasons!

When I met Money I Said:-U R Just A Piece of Paper
Money Smiled & Replied: Of course, I am a Piece of Paper!
But ....I Haven't Seen a Dustbin, Yet in my Life !!

Why indian girls are not Good in sports..
Only 10% are playing cricket, hockey, tennis, badminton, chess, etc..!!
...Remaining 90% are busy in playing with "Janu"..

Don't break anybody's heart... They have only one…..If you are angry with them break their bones...!!! They have 206 :)

 

Ad in the newspaper by a poor husband : "FOR SALE: Complete set of encyclopedia in good condition.
Reason for selling: No Longer needed, Got Married. Wife knows EVERYTHING !!

Attitude during exams: -
They give me questions which i don't know ...............
So I write answers which they don't know ! ! ! ! ! :)

Don't lie,don't steal,don't cheat,don't sell drugs....our government hates competition....!!!!

Rajnikant's attitude as a student:
He got 150 questions in exam saying SOLVE ANY 100!
Rajnikant solved ALL 150 and WROTE: RASCALLA!!!CHECK ANY 100!!!!!!!

Once Rajnikant was travelling in a helicopter via Switzerland and his wallet fell down... That place is now called Swiss Bank !

 

Marriage tip: When u want to get your wife’s attention "just look comfortable and Happy".

Two golfers are on the 18th Tee. The first man is taking a very long time to take his shot.
"Is there anything wrong?" his partner asks.
"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse", the man answers, "and I want to make this a perfect shot.".
"Don't be ridiculous!" replies his partner. "You've got no chance of hitting her from here!!!”...

Kid's dad joined Facebook, kid wrote on his wall : WTF!!
Dad asked: what Is WTF??
Kid replied: Welcome to Facebook!

Men are very kind while women are very mean.
Proof: - Most women don't like 2 help unknown men.
But, All men are always there 2 help any known/unknown women!

Jet Air Launched "Wife Free With Husband on Business Trip"....After its Success, Jet Air sent Letters To Wives Asking Their Experiences?
99% Wives Wrote - Which Trip? When? Where?

A Bumper Sticker on a married Man's Car: Do not disturb... Already disturbed!